whoda thought

I have not been one who likes to spend money to have my haircut done by a fancy stylist. I am ashamed to say, that for most of my life I have delt with the young bloods of Master Cut ot Cost Cutters. I just can not see spending more than 15.00 to have my hairs cut. I can't do it. So, prior to Christmas I was looking for some place to take Riley, my 3 yr old, to have her first "professional" hair cut. I found a place here that specializes in kids cut beside the normal business of adults. So, I took Riley for her first cut and it was great. No, it wasn't Cost Cutters or Master Cuts. It's a cute little place btwn the locks here down by the river. Riley really enjoyed it and the cost was fantastic. So, I decided maybe it's time I face my own demonds and pay a little more to have someone do my hair right. So, I made an apt for the week after Christmas. Let's just say, It was terrific. I love the lady who does it. So, while I was there, Becky had a drawing for her customers......FREE HAIR SERVICE FOR A YEAR- with the booking of 2 more apts. I thought to myself hey.....I could schdule 2 more apt and take a chance right? What could I lose?
Well, low and behold, Becky called me a few days later stating that I had won her drawing of FREE HAIR SERVICE FOR A YEAR. Can you imagine???? Me of all people. I feel so bad for all of her regular customers who come to her on a regular basis because they are dedicated to her. Not me, I was trying a "oh, what the hell" apt. So, I sit and think to myself.......Me who has only had minor cuts.....ok, some big cuts.....what would I do with a "free year of hair service". My brain started turning. Well, I had been wanting a perm, so....oh what the hell....it's free! So I made my apt for a perm and whallah.....I was curly. After about 2 weeks or so, I wasn't real thrilled with my curls. Part of my head had taken and part had not taken as well. So, I made and another apt ....because it's FREE ...and wham....I was straight again So, back to being boring brownish black and straight I started thinking again.........How about higlights...that must be pretty expensive and something I would never do.....so once again, I made my apt and zip.......I have an inverted bob and nice dirty blond highlights. I am so loving this free pampering stuff. I wish I could go everyday. I would go just for the wash and th head massage! talk about total relaxation!
Well, as of today....I love my hair. I will keep you posted if I think of anything else fun to do!

Ever have just one of those weeks?

I know I have been complaining about my life lately, but damn...It's been a rough one lately. Can I just say last week was the week from HE double hockeysticks! It is truely amazing that I survived it. I think everyones cabin fever is finally starting to sink in and the weather here hasn't been much help. It's actually a big tease to my older children. Who of course don't know the difference btwn 40 and -45 below zero until they can actually test it themselves. It's pretty bad when it's 30 out and my kids want to play outside without jackets on. Whoa- a heat wave. And on the negitive days when they want to go out, their snot freezes before I even get the storm door open. It's crazy. No, actually it's making my kids crazy!!! They want to be outside so bad......that being indoors is making them so naughty. The bickering, the tatletailing (sp?), every little thing is getting on my nerves! Well, the straw finally broke the camels back the other day, actually last Friday. The fighting had gone on all day btwn Riley and Keegan and Carson and Cooper felt the need to join in and cried pretty much all day. At about 4pm on Friday I had had it and snapped. I ended up calling my dear husband to ask if he could come home a bit early. As my husband arrived home, he found Cooper in the swing, Carson in the crib and the Riley and Keegan in bed with me under the covers. I think I freaked the kids out with my crying. Keegan could not have been any nicer to me. He is definately a "mamas boy". He was stroking my hair, rubbing his cheek up against mine, and asking me if I was ok. It was actually very cute! He will make a great husband some day! So, after Matt got everyone out of my bed, I continued to lay there and think to myself.......Tomorrow is Saturday....I wonder if I can get the day off. I spoke with my loving husband and he agreed that I deserved a break. So, the next question was.....oh what to do on my day off. I knew that if I stayed around town, I would end up feeling guilty for leaving my dear husband alone with 4 under 4, so I had to think of something good, something out of town. I ended up calling my dear friend Molly....aka Lost a sock...and was pouring my guts out to her on how bad my week had been and how I had just lost it. We chatted for awhile and she had mentioned that she would have loved to meet me half way....I in Wisconsin and she in Indiana....but she was having company that evening. Mind you..we only get to see each other once every 4 or so months and this time we had just seen her and her family a few weeks prior. It would be a miracle if we saw each other twice in one month. We had only been chatting for a

wee bit before her husband had called on her other line. She says, "I'll be right back". No longer than 5 seconds or so she comes backs and says, "I'm going to meet you". Oh my goodness. It must be a miracle......we are meeting twice in one month! I asked her about her company and she said it wasn't a problem to reschedule. I couldn't believe it. My friend, Carson's godmother.....was giving up her day to spend time with Riley and I in Kenosha. Can I just tell you ladies and gents....I love this lady! From the day that we meet on Dr. Phil's website we had an instant connection.

Saturday rolls around Riley and I jump into the "bus" and head to Kenosha...just a bit over 2 hours. I couldn't wait to hug her......Someone who knew what I had been going through..as she has a 3 yr old and also a newborn. I also had gotten the opportunity to meet her sister Sarah. What a lovely gal. Sarah.....YOU ROCK!

So, after a day of chatting, eatting, and shopping, I actually felt refreshed again.

Thank you Molly and Sarah, for spending your Saturday with us!

Do you even understand how much crap you accumulate when you have 4 kids? It totally blows my mind. I have been up in my 3 yr olds rooms all morning and I feel like it is a never ending battle. I haven't even begun to start the 3 month olds room. It's like crap just keeps coming out of the walls or it's mating and it's multipling. I am trying to get stuff organized for our twins club rummage sale that is coming up here in the near future and I can't believe how much stuff I have. How does this happen? I have even started a bag for our local "once upon a child" and it's terrible because they know me by name. When I walk in they always say," More?" Cindy. I tell ya, the stuff I have kept from the older set and the stuff we have gotten as gifts for the new set.........it's taking over my house. How do you know what to keep and what to get rid of? How do you know how long you should save stuff for? Or if you even should? I'm not sure my second set will even fit into my first sets stuff. They are much smaller than the first at this stage. Let me tell you..it seems like such a simple task, but man I am very overwhelmed right now. It must just be the fact that I have all 4 kids yelling and crying all at the very time I was trying to weed out, but geez. At this very second I am not sure any of this is even making any sense. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...ok...a little bit of a stress reliever! Thanks for listening.

Nearly impossible

to go anywhere with 4 children by myslef. Take yesterday, the kids and I thought we would run a errons. My game plan before we left the house was....we would go to Barns and Noble so the older kids could play and I could research a few books I have been wanting to read then to Jo-Anns fabric, and to Sam's Club. But before we got out of the house, my girlfriend Erin and her twin boys stopped over for a brief moment to drop off some cookies that they made for Riley and Keegan. Erin told us they were on their way to Toy's R'Us to play on the jungle gym equipment. After my kids heard that, they also wanted to go. No, no , no...I needed to stick to the game plan in my head or nothing would get done. After getting ALL the kids packed in to the "Bus" (our mini van) we were off to Barns and Noble. Wouldn't you know it.......as soon as I pulled out of the garage, the kids started screaming that they wanted to play with Jacob and Tyler - which meant we had to go to Toy's R' Us. At that point of time, I should have pulled right back in and called it a day....but no. So after hearing them scream for a few blocks....I gave in. We were off to play with the boys. We get there and get everyone off the "bus" and into the store ,Erin is shocked to see us, and the kids couldn't be happier. We just get to the point of taking our shoes off and the questions and looks start pouring in. Out of the corner of my eye I can see this lady staring at us. I dare not give her any eye contact beacuse then you know she's just going to ask you something...and 99% of the time it's a DUMB question. I dodge all the looks and questions and leave the two older ones with Erin while I take a brief look around. After about 45 minutes of play we were packing up the "bus" again. This time, we were off to Jo- Anns fabric. A word to the wise.....NEVER take 2 - 3 yr olds to a fabric store with out a second pair of eyes or stroller. For the most part they are good about sticking to the stroller that the 3 month olds are in, but today for some reason was different. They wanted to be INDEPENDENT. They were hiding under the tables of fabric, Riley found some spooles of "pretties" that she wanted for her hair.....needless to say she had 3 rolls unwound before I could say "we'll take 5 yrds of that". Keegan found the sissor section and had found 3 pairs he wanted, and as I turned around again, Riley had just tiped over the the twirly rack thing that holds the patterns. Great, and I hadn't found flannel yet for the babies swaddling blankets. AHHHHHH . Calgon take me away.
I finally get everyone under control, I find my fabric and get to the cutting table. The lady asks me......."Your pretty qutsy - how do you have the nerve to take 4 kids out by yourself?" I was just about ready to knock her out! Out of that store and back into the "bus". Off to Sam's Club. I thought I would be somewhat safe there because the carts are so friggin' huge that I could put everyone in it. I get the boys in the back and the girls in the front. At least I had everyone contained. Now, I just had to deal with the looks and comments. We get into the store and the first couple we meet are no futher than 10 feet inside the store. She says" Awww honey, look at the babies....are all these your kids? As they are breathing over the tops of Riley and Carson. Yup...they sure are. What do people barrow kids to go shopping these days? "You are a brave woman". Ahhh, Thanks. As we proceed into the store, I can hear the lady behind me that just spoke to us say to another woman....."Can you believe her? All those kids and she by herself."
Every isle we attempt to go down someone has a comment. "How do you do it?" , "Where are you going to put your groceries?" Giggles, looks......Hasn't anyone ever seen a parent with 4 kids before ? I was so sick of answering questions that I only got half my shopping done and left. It's just blows my mind that people are so in awe about seeing us. Oh well......I guess I better get used to it. Everyone is paid for so there isn't an option for giving anyone back. I just hope people get smarted as my kids get older. The" Are they identical" and " Does it run in your family "questions are getting old. Although my favorite question of all times is
" Are they identical or NACHTERNAL". Oh well...I just keep telling myslef that some people are better than others in human biology. Good Night.

Off the beaten path

Oh how quicky I lost sight of why I started this blog in the first place. As I took both Carson and Cooper to their doctor apt today it all came back to me very clearly. I know I stopped our journey through the NICU sort of abruptly, but most of the trip from there on was down hill. Both babies contiuned to grow, both learned how to eat well....well Cooper still had some breathing issues, but we over came that just a couple of days ago, and both were able to come home. Carson made her trip home on December 11, 05. I will never forget that day, and Coopers either. Cooper was well enough to make it home on December 24th, Christmas eve morning. I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas gift....to have all my babies home with me . Now we only return to the NICU for the monthly "Alumni" pizza party. It's fun to see all the nurses and doctors time after time.
I was hoping that December 24th would be the last day we would have to ever step foot in Childrens Hospital again, but when we were at the doctors today- that hope was destroyed. Our Ped is a friend of mine from high school and has been very up front with me since the get go....Riley and Keegan. Both kids got weighed first. Cooper tilted the scale at a whopping 10lbs 15 oz and 21 3/4 inch long. Carson wasn't far behind at 10 lbs 8 oz and 21 1/4 in. long. The exciting part is that they have officially made it on the the normal newborn growth chart. Cooper is at the 8th percent tile for his weight an Carson was at the 4th percent tile. Very exciting!!!! Now to the bad news. During Annikas exam with Cooper she found that he has a inguinal hernia and has to have surgery to repair it. She told us it wasn't an emergency but it needs to be fixed ASAP!!! And, the only place to have it done is at Children's Hospital - Milwaukee, 2 hours from our house. LOVELY. So, He goes in for his initial apt on March 3rd and then from there the surgery will be scheduled. Once again.....We are back at Childrens Hospital!!! AAAAHHHHHH! This place has been following us like a old pair of holy socks!!!
I have been told it is pretty routine and the docs at Childrens are the best of the best for peds, but damn.....it's not routine for my child! It is sooo hard not to worry or think about it,but he's only 3 months old....ok, well really 1 month old. I'm sure he will be fine, but he's my baby.
Speaking of Childrens hospital.........They wrote us a letter the other day and asked Carson and Cooper to be apart of their "Children's Champions"program. Anyone who has had treatment there is able and willing to share their story can become part of this program. They are also having a run/walk in the honor of anyone who has come out of the NICU, the Ped intensive care unit, and a few other departments. My family has decided to be apart of the run/walk. They have done so much for our family that we thought it would best if we give back to theirs. If you care to visit our page and read our story, here is our web address: www.firstgiving.com/colekids
Thank you again for taking time out of your busy day to read my journals. Cooper agrees and is giving you the "thumbs up".

Good Night.

How do I love thee......and they me?

Today is Valentine's day and I am not sure I should be writing this blog, but dag nabit, I need to!
Let me count the ways I love thee.........It's a load of crap! As a mother of 4 young children you would think that I would deserve a day at the spa, or atleast a soild nights sleep, but NO. My husband told me that if I could find heart shaped beer cans that he would then proceed to find me heart shaped jewlery. It's such a crock! Don't get me wrong, I love my family to pieces and wouldn't change a thing, but come on man......I deserve a break! Let me count the ways my family loves me:
1. for doing the dishes - 20 times a day
2. for doing the laundry, 3-5 loads a day
3. for wiping my kids butts - after pooping 80 times a day
4. for being a taxi driver - ok that's for me to get out of our hurricane hit house
5 for picking up toys - a zillion times a day.
6. for being the lunch lady..... even though 9 of 10 times they don't like what is served.
7. for doing crowd control when a fight breaks out.
8. For changing diapers a billion times a day.
9. for feeding babies a few time a day and then being the human burp and barf cloth.
10. For being the hard ass at night when it comes to bed time.
11. AND, for being a softy when it comes to getting up in the night so my DARLING husband doesn't have to!

I'm sure there are other ways they love me, but a the moment, these are the most common ways.
I can't help but to shed a few tears as I am writing this blog.
My mother in law sent me a sweatshirt the other day that said," WORLDS GREATEST MOM", but for some odd reason I do not feel I am worthy of wearing it.
Call me a sissy for writing this email, but to be honest folks.......it's how I truely feel.
So, as I close this blog, go home and tell your other half and family how much you love them and how much they mean to you. Someone should be worthy of hearing it, even if it's not me.

tough times

Where do you start to tell someone who is going through the same things you are that "things will be ok". How do you tell them that " It is only going to get better". How do you explain," I know where you a coming from". When you damn well know that there's a long road ahead us.

Lost a sock and I been good friends for a couple of years now. We've been to hell and back together. And now, we are going through postpartum together. She has one little boy who is the same age as my oldest twins and and our newborns are only 6 weeks apart. The only difference is I have 2 kids to her every 1. She calls me ....I can't remember exactly, but something to the fact of " Wonder woman" or " Super MOM". But to be honest with you, I am no more "SUPER" than she is. She is a wonderful lady, a caring friend, and a SUPER mom. Because I have 4 kids and she has 2, doesn't make us any different as moms. She is dealing with major sleep deprevation and baby issues and I don't know how to help her through this. I wish I had some magical words of wisdom to give her. I can tell her what works for me, but I can't promise that it will work for her. I can lend a ear, but I can't be sure that I am not going to say something stupid like, " oh, did I mention that both of my kids are sleeping through the night now?" or, I feel great today, must be all the sleep I'm getting. I could suprise her with hiring a cleaning lady, but deep down is that what she really wants? I am frustrated.......How did I get to be the lucky one who's kids sleep through the night at 2 1/2 months, and honestly, have been since they got home from the NICU. I am a christian and I believe in God. I just wish he would grant her the same luck that he has give me. Please God, give me the strenght and knowledge to help my dear friend though her troubled times. Molly, I love you to death, If there is anything I can do, please let me know. I am and will always be here for you. Sleep tight my friend, sleep tight.

Am I.....

..to over protective of my kids? Do I really let them act/play like 3 yr olds??? Or more like newborns???? Let me just say...in Keegans life time - 3 yrs mind you, he has only had minor scrapes and brusies, Riley on the other hand has already broken her wrist - did the whole cast thing and everything. It was due to a nice backwards flip off her bed. I scored it as a 9.0 after all was said and done.
Now - I sent my kids off on a nice vacation with my parents out to see great grandma and they came back looking like this!!! What the heck????

Please note, they did not leave looking like this.
A few days into their vacation they were at "froggie" park, just down the street from my grams and the first accident happend. Note - my dad didn't tell me, he told Matt. Riley was swinging on a swing and Keegan walked right smack behind her and caught it right in the shnaz. From what I was told.......blood was gushing everywhere and "papa" had no tissues along. The park trip was cut short. Keegan had to walk home with blood pouring out of his nose. What do you think all the neighbors thought????? No less the cops across the street at the Police station.
Then.....they took both kids to my grams "financial planners" office and accident number 2 happend. It's coming to you "live via picture. Keegan was running around and caught the corner of a metal desk right smack in the forehead. Once again......I was told blood was gushing. This time my mom tells me TWO days later - I should be happy she told me I guess.. I ask " do you think it needs stiches?" She replies......I'm not sure. Dad just squeezed it together and put a band aid on it. Oh Gee, ok. Never mind the gouge in his forehead now. Next, it's Rileys turn. They are out for a walk, Riley stands up in the stroller and attempts to jump out. Except, her foot gets caught, trips, and lands face first into the sidewalk. This poor girl has road rash written all over her face! Her nose, her lip and she left the skin of her chin somewhere along the route. Good God! And to think I had an appointment to have family pictures done on Sunday - silly me.
We show up at the airport and the kids show up with "tatoos" (aka - band aids) all over the faces. is it me, or am just to over protective of my chidren? Can we say "maderma for kids" here we come?

Then and Now - Carson

Carson Mary Cole
11.15.05
5:00 pm
NICU stay 11.15 - 12.11






Then: 4 lbs .4 oz , 17 in long. On a heart monitor, oxygen monitor, oxygen, IV, Apneas and bradys, jaundice, not a very good eater, but cute as a button. Preemie diapers and clothes....too big! Loves her doctors.

Now: 9lbs 1 oz 19 3/4 in long. Loves to eat and needs her beauty rest. Loves baths and her nuk. Loves her big brother and sister. Hates her acid reflux and reflux medicine. Still on caffine and vitamins. Loves her papasan chair. finally fits into NB/0-3.

Now and then - Cooper

Cooper Edward Cole

11.15.05

4:59pm

NICU stay 11.15 - 12.24








Now: 9lbs 9 oz and 19 3/4 long. Good eater, playful, and is a good sleeper. Still on caffine and vitamins. Hates his baths, loves his big brother and sister.

Then: 3lbs 13 oz and 16 1/4 long, not such a good eater, apena issues, IV's, heart monitor, oxygen monitor, jaundice, and on caffine.Not very playful. Hates his baths but loves his nurses.

Bath time

My next favorite thing besides kangarooing was bath time. It never failed...Cooper would completely scream his head off....just like his older brother Keegan, and Carson thought she was getting swimming lessons. She loves the water so much.....just like Carson. It's starting to be a trend already......The girls and mommy love it and can't get enough of it, and so far it seems the boys and daddy could do without. Funny.

Cooper had also recieved a nickname from bathtime. "Pooper". It never failed - as soon as Cooper little body would hit the water he would have a pretty massive bowl movement. Let's just say, the nurses were all pretty impressed with the size of it.

I was able to change both of their diapers and clothes prior to each feeding, but only with my hands in the isolet, but bath time was something special. They were able to be out of their isolets for a few brief moments while I dressed them...and got to snuggle too. The babies depended on the warth of the isolets and were not allowed to be out for very long, so any chance I got to be with them out of it, was special.

My "tanning" beauties

11.18.05....... I can remember the first time I walked into the NICU and saw my babies "tanning". I remember saying to Matt, "look at their little sun glasses". When a baby becomes jaundice they are put under bilie lights. (phototherapy - treatment with a special light that helps rid the body of the bilirubin by altering it or making it easier for your baby's liver to get rid of it).

Your baby becomes juandice when there is excess bilirubin in the blood. Normally bilirubin passes through the liver and is excreted as bile through the intestines. Jaundice occurs when bilirubin builds up faster than a newborn's liver can break it down and pass it from the body. Reasons for this include:
-A newborn baby's still-developing liver may not yet be able to remove adequate bilirubin from the blood.
-More bilirubin is being made than the infant's liver can handle.
-Too large an amount of bilirubin is reabsorbed from the intestines before the baby gets rid of it in the stool.
High levels of bilirubin - usually above 20 mg - can cause deafness, cerebral palsy, or brain damage in some babies. Great...just what I needed, something else to worry about. Just what I didn't need!

Carson and Cooper were under these lights on and off fror a good 2 weeks. The amount of bilierubin seems to be higher in preemies. It is pretty cute though when you walk in to the pod and all the other babies are only in their diapers and are "tanning" under these lights. they all looked so darn cute!

Updates - 2.1.06

Just thought I would take a quick break from my NICU story to show you what my beautiful 31 week old preemies look like today. We are now 2 1/2 months old . We went in to get weighed and get our shots RSV shots yesterday. Let me tell you......my little babies aren't so little any more. Carson weighed in at 9lbs 1 oz, and Cooper weighed in at a whopping 9lbs 9 oz. ( I think it's all in his face). It is so nice to finally fit into 0-3 month clothes!!!
I believe Matt and I are going to be going out on our first date either tonight or tomorrow. Let me tell you, I can't even remember the last time we went out....BY OURSELVES!
My grandmother lives out in New Jersey and doesn't travel anymore so the only time she gets to see the kids is if we go out there. Well, My parents decided they were going to go out to see her and had asked if they could take the older set with her. PRAISE THE LORD....a little break for Matt and I. They will be gone for little over 2 weeks. I wasn't sure if I was going to be emotionally ready for them to be gone that long, but so far so good. The break has been very nice. I miss them a lot, but they will be home before I know it.

Kangarooing

Ever heard of kangarooing? Let me tell you, it is the best thing you as a mother will ever feel!
As you can tell by the picture....you have skin to skin contact with your child. There is nothing on Earth that can make you feel so calm and peaceful. If was having emotional issues, I would come to the NICU and kangaroo with whomever. Here, it is with Cooper...my little 3lb. 13 ozer.There were no phones to answer, no bills to worry about, no one coming in to bother you, just intimate time with your child. God, I can't even begin to tell you so you can understand.

I Melted

November 16th- The first day I got to lay my eyes on my sweet, fragile little babies. In the morning I woke up all ready to go see my kiddos, but was bound and determined not to have to go in my hospital bed. 16 hours after my surgery I was willing and ready for the trip from my bed to the wheel chair...no more than 4 feet from me. I think that was the worst pain I had felt in my life. But....it was going to be worth it once I got to the NICU.
I remember sliding my security card for the first time thinking.....what am I going to see?.....how am I going to feel?.....what are they going to look like? How small is 3 lbs 13 oz / 4lbs anyways??
We pass by the nurses station and into the balloon pod......tears running down my face....there were only 3 babies in our pod at that time, 2 of which were mine so it wasn't to hard to find them. Carson was naked in her little heated isolet. She was the most beautiful little thing I had ever seen.
She no longer had her breathing tube and was only on regular nose cannule (sp?) for oxygen and her feeding tube. She had wires attached to every limb and an IV in her belly button....... tears were streaming down my face. How could I have done this to my poor innocent babies? Was it all worth it? Should I have tried harder to keep them in longer? Were the nurses right??? "The safest place for your babies is inside of you". All the what if's.... did I make the right decision? It was all slapping me in the face.
Alarms were going off all over the pod......how in the heck do you read these darn monitors? So many lines, colors, numbers......
Matt pushed me over to see my little Cooper. He also had his breathing tubes removed and was only on oxygen and his feeding tube. He also had all the wires and an IV in his arm.
They went from being so cozy inside to all of a sudden fighting for their lives.....How could I have done this??????? They may be smaller..they will always be at higher risk for infections, colds , RSV (a respitory infection that can be deadly to preemies), asthma.......because of me. I am stuggling with the decision I made on November 15th 2005. I remember wanting to touch them, but I was soo afraid. How can you be gentle enough to such a tiny person?

Mom dad Riley and Keegan came to visit. How do you explain all of this stuff to 2 yr olds?????? I didn't know even where to begin.

That evening....alive for 24 hours....I once again headed to the NICU...this time a bit braver. The nurses welcomed me and gave me a progress report on both my children. They both recieved A+'s for the day. That's always a nice thing to hear. I also learned that quite a few nurses had already become attached to our kids. It's nice knowing that when I can't be there, there are others who are caring for them.

November 17th...Both babies doing well. Carson has been giving everyone a bit of a scare with her apnea. Bo, that girl can hold her breath! Mom, dad , Riley, and Keegan came to visit.

Novemeber 18th - Had quite a bit of company that day. Mom, dad, Riley and Keegan came again too. We were finding it super hard to keep 2 yr olds entertained in the hospital. Thanks goodness for the flight for life helicopter which was down the hall and out the window. It was the highlight of their day! I had a special friend vist that night. She has been my life line during this whole process. My girlfriend Erin. I am not sure where I would be with out her. You have your special friends who you talk with daily.....yes, that's you Molly......but Erin has been there and done that. Erins boys were born at 29 weeks and were in the NICU for 40 days. Now, they are healthy 3 yr olds who are good friends with Riley and Keegan. Anyways....Erin and I went to visit the kids that night. We scrubed in and headed over to Carsons isolet. After visiting for a few minutes, the nurse asked me if I wanted to change her diaper. I just about freaked! How do I change such a small diaper???? I nervously accepted. Not only are you changing such a tiny diaper...you're dodging different lines in her arm and in her belly button. After changing her, they asked if I wanted to hold her. YIKES!!!!! Erin looked at me and shaked her head yes. I once again nervously accepted. I sat in a rocker and waited for the nurse to hand me my sweet girl. The nurse placed her in my arms and I melted.

Let the fun begin...Picture - Miss Carson/ Cooper

Let the fun begin.....

...not sure if that's the best title for this session, but it's pretty much the truth.
November 12, 2005......Matt and the kids and I were out side cleaning the garage. I was at this point exactly 31 weeks pregnant with Carson and Cooper. I had been feeling great all day.... a lot like the "nesting" feeling you get when you are just about done with your pregnancy. I hadn't been doing a whole ton of work, just minor things and playing with the twins. We called it a day at about 4pm and cleaned up to get supper started. We ate, I got the kids bathed and got them ready for bed.
I had recieved a phone call from Molly at around 8pm and we were chatting about how much fun shopping she had that day. All of a sudden, my contractions started. I remember trying to listen and answer Molly to the best of my ability when I couldn't take it any more. I mentioned to her that my contractions had started and they were coming every 2- 3 minutes and lasting about 15-30 seconds. She calmly mentioned to me that I should get off the phone with her and that I should call my Doctor. I remember saying, nope, I'm fine............about 5 minutes later, I wasn't fine. I called the Doc and was told to come to the birthing center asap. We got my good friend Erin, who also has 3 yr old twin boys to come and stay with the kids until my parents could get there. Our hospital is 20 minutes away. I continued to keep track of my contractions as my husband drove ever so calmly. We arrived at the hospital, wheeled me up to the Birthing unit and was examed within 5 minute of arriving. Would you know it....I was contracting and was already dialated to 3 cm. The Doctor ordered me to be put on drugs to stop my contractions. But what about being dialated to 3cm? We knew I would be having a c-section and with that, they don't like you to be dialated to far or the procedure can not be done. I WAS A WRECK! On top of that.....My incision from my previous section was starting to hurt, a lot.
My Doctors fear was that I may rupture my lining and we would have an extreme medical emergency, for all 3 of us. At that point, it was discussed that I would be making the hospital my new home. For how long? We didn't know.
Day 2- Contractions had stopped and things were not progressing any more. A C- section was still in the plans. Still needed to stay in the hospital to be monitored in case the incision would worsen.
Day 3 - Everything was still going as planned. Things were going well and even talk of me going home was discussed. EXCEPT....that I would have to be on total bed rest. Right....with 2 - almost 3 yr olds at home? Like that would ever happend. I expressed my fears to the doc and he felt it would be in my best interested that if there was no way to be on bed rest, that I should stay in the hospital. Good Plan Doc. Once again...for how long? My Doctor was still concernd about my interior incision, so to be on the safe side, incase we would have to deliver at 31 weeks......the neonatologist came to see us. He explained the worst of the worst of delivering 31 week old twins. Nothing good, all about the bad. I wished to god that I wouldn't have to go through that. They even suggested that we take a tour of the NICU to see where our kids would be living. Not bad....You think intensive care unit and you instantly think.....sterile and white? Right?? Not here. It was full of color...each big room was called a pod and it had room for 6 babies - they had 4 pods. Each had a theme..our was the balloon room. It was decorated with hot air balloons. Except this part of the hospital was now - Childrens Hospital of Wisconsin. The whole thing just freaked me out.
Day 4 - Incision hurting like a MOFO........I could bearly stand it. It didn't help either that Cooper had been lying right on it. I swore that everytime he kicked me a foot was coming through. Doctor came in....we discussed our options.....talked to a few nurses and said...." I just don't feel right, something is wrong". With that said.....the doctor ordered my section to be scheduled at 4pm that day. We were not going to take the chance of losing all 3 of us if I were to rupture. But now.....I need to face my other demonds.....the NICU!!! I didn't want my babies to be sick, and even though it was very lovely....I didn't want the NICU to be my childrens home..and for how long? 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 2 months?????? The unknown was killing me.
4pm came and went...before I knew it I was lying on the operating table, except....something went wrong with my spinal. It had gone up way to far. I was numb all the way up to my throat. Couldn't breath, the room was spinning a mile a minute......and my husband was kicked out after the babies were safe........Respitory distress to doc told me. All I could hear was the NICU doc say, "There safe"and that was it. I didn't come out of it until 9pm that night. Never saw my kids....they were rushed right to the NICU - recesitated (sp?) and intibated. Scared, HELL YA!

The Begining

.....it's morning again. After a long hard night with 2 babies, 1 wanting to eat every 1/2 hour and the other trying to cope with her acid reflux, the sun is finally up. I did alot of soul searching last and took myself all the way back from after when my dear husband Matt and I got married. I tried to remember how I got myself into this situation of having 2 set of twins. It's actually a pretty funny story. So sit back and I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writting it.

Matt and I were married Aug 19, 2000. It was a GREAT DAY!! I couldn't have asked for anything better! We knew soon after we got married that we wanted to try for kids. I knew that it would be a struggle for me to get pregnant. I grew up a very competitive and dedicated swimmer. I started swimming at the young age of 4. The picture you see above is a picture of my very first relay team. Still to this day, we are all good friends. But, when you are an athlete, your body seems to go hay wire and your menstral cycle seems to go hay wire with it, or in my case become non existant. It has been that way ever since I stop competing in college. I never had a cycle, knew nothing about it. Never knew how many days it was, when or if I ovulated...nothing. So I knew there would be some issues. After 1 full year of trying, we went to see a specialist. The OB/GYN told me that I had something called" Poly Cystic ovarian syndrom" which can make you not ovulate. So even when I had my couple cycles a year, I never produced eggs. PCOS causes your body to make more insulin than it really needs. Your body can't get rid of the extra insulin. Your ovaries become full of cysts and can never produce eggs normally on it own. So, the doc suggested that if we really wanted to have kids that we need to go on a medication that helps produce eggs. Matt and I agreed to go on this injectable medication. The doc also told us that there was a pretty go chance that we would have multiples. Ok, nothing wrong with that....we'll get two babies for the price of one and be done with it.
We started on the meds. Matt would have to give me a shot in my butt every night for two weeks, then after the 2 weeks, we would go in for a follie (egg) check and see how many we had. We had a total of 4 follie at the time of our check up. We knew there could be a possibility that we could have up to 4 babies. No problem. So, the next step was to get an HCG injection to drop my eggs so the could be fertilized. After you are given the shot, you have 24-48 hours to fertilize these eggs. The Doctor wanted me in the office on a aturday so he could manually fertilize them from Matt's sperm. Well, We had an issue with this. The Saturday he wanted to do this my girlfriend Glynis...on the far right of the picture above, was getting married in Minnesota and we were to be there for that. So The doc said, ok, we'll take a chance of you guys doing this on your own. So.....Needless to say, we got pregnant with Riley and Keegan on Glynis's wedding night!
Now, something very similar happend with Carson and Cooper. We started the whole shot business and ended up with 5 follies. Good God, could you imagine having 5 babies? No, but we were once again playing russian roulette with my body. My girlfriend Kerri...the one in the picture in the white wedding dress was getting married the same day we needed to fertilize these eggs....so, you guessed it.....we got pregnant with Cars and Coop on Kerri's wedding night!

Matt and I drew the line there..........Thank God all of my friends are now married. I would hate to see what another wedding might bring.

Sanity

...I've lost it!
Luckily,I do feel there is hope for me. One of my bestest friends introduced me to the world of blogs last night and I can't seem to tear myself away from it. I was up reading and exploring all night! I think this is the way back to finding my sanity. I am a stay at home mom with 2 sets of twins. My first set; Riley(F) and Keegan(M), just turned 3 on the 21st of January. My second set; Carson(F) and Cooper(M) were born on Nov 15, 2005....born 2 months early - the begining of my troubled moments.
I am hoping that I will be able to journal my deep down fears and my secret emotional issues that I have been hiding since my children entered/left the NICU.
Thank you for giving me this chance to find myself again Molly!